You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
