it was like eating out sand paper
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
