he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
