Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
