doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
