Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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