i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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