How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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