can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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