I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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