Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
