so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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