My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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