Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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