So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
