You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
