I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
