why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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