just come out here and I will go home with you...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
