I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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