I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
