a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
