My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
