I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
whose parrot is this?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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