so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
