even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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