hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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