Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
