Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I want is dick and wine.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
