If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
