i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
