Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
