I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just pee around me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
