One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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