It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
