R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
