I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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