we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
