omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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