some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
