Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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