I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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