I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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