My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Houston, we have a blender
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
