my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
