Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
