I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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