Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
