Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
