Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
