why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
