Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
