That's intense
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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