Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
