I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
