My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
