I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
